Haven't posted anything new for awhile now. Mostly because it was the semester break. Was on holiday for a week. Went to Gold Coast. Heck, Gold Coast was fun. The weather, the beach. The place just feel so much different than Melbourne. Maybe will write about it later. That was that. Came back to Melbourne, continue with daily life.
It was until last Friday when my right wrist started to hurt/ache all of a sudden. That night, had a series of weak feeling striking through my right arm. Had to suffer through for the weekends too. To make matter worst, at night, it was cold as ass. And that made my wrist ache. Went and saw the doxtar on Monday. The doxtar made a preliminary check on my wrist and said nothing wrong. He did send me to get a X-ray for my wrist to check whether could it be arthritis. On the next day, he called me, telling me my wrist is fine. Nothing wrong. On Wednesday went out with my friend to play some games at the local LAN cafe. After one game, my wrist was aching. While i am typing this, my wrist still aching. Zzz
Guess I'll seek out some Chinese doxtar to check it out. Dont feel like writing anything more. Zzz Hope my wrist wont get anymore worst or anything.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Thought for the nights
Ah... feeling extremelyyyyyyyy lazy to go to class tomorrow. Zzz this slacking side of mine. Sigh~ Somehow, I need to drag my ass to class tomorrow. Not only that, the amount of studies I did this week is... not zero but not significant enough. Its funny how I need to study with the computer and I cannot study with the computer. The irony. I need the computer for my lecture notes and stuff, but my computer too is where I procrastinate. And here I am, biting the nail of my thumb. Thinking. Debating. To go, or not to go. Haih~
Why? Why am i having this attitude of not wanting to go to class? Back in high school, my final year, I had 100% attendance. In foundation, i did attend most of the classes. Then came first year... well that is another story for another time. Afterwards, college. Well, that went rather well. Now. THIS. WHY?! Argh!? I have this battle. This debate. Between me... and myself. Between the one who want me to strive and the one who want to drag me down. The one who see that suffer now for a better future and the other, enjoy life now, careless of the future. In psychology, Sigmund Freud will call it, better Ego and Id. Seem like my Id is the dominate one cause the Super-ego keep siding with Id. I guess everyone go through this every time.
I think its time that i should stop looking into myself to find the answer. I have been looking inwards. To see my flaws and how to improve it. Its tough and difficult as hell but taking one step at a time. *WELL, usually for my gaming purposes* And I feel that, by doing it so often, I think i am selling myself short. In games, most of my friends, they keep pointing fingers at other people's fault but not their own. Sometimes, I am tired of this attitude. Its like that Malay saying, "Bah perkata, kuman di sebelah sungai nampak, kuman di sebelah mata tidak nampak". This is LITERALLY what I feel happening in, well gaming, and maybe part of the world. I guess. Like, in gaming, since we are all behind this anonymous platform, we lost touch of our human self. We flame/troll people. And that sort of, become a norm for those who uses the internet/dwell upon it/live for it/depends on it/gamers. I am tired of this attitude. Everyone starts to be so cold.
I don't know why I am side tracking so much from the main point. Originally I wanted to end this post with some sayings. One is the price we pay. And second is fault of others are so easily seen but fault of self is none existence. Right now, I am thinking, how in the hell does feeling lazy going to class related to this? Well, I side track too much. What can I say, a tired mind wanders.
Actually, I already know the answer to my question. I am just afraid of admitting it. I am afraid of the answer. Ignorant is a bliss they say.
Good Nightz
Why? Why am i having this attitude of not wanting to go to class? Back in high school, my final year, I had 100% attendance. In foundation, i did attend most of the classes. Then came first year... well that is another story for another time. Afterwards, college. Well, that went rather well. Now. THIS. WHY?! Argh!? I have this battle. This debate. Between me... and myself. Between the one who want me to strive and the one who want to drag me down. The one who see that suffer now for a better future and the other, enjoy life now, careless of the future. In psychology, Sigmund Freud will call it, better Ego and Id. Seem like my Id is the dominate one cause the Super-ego keep siding with Id. I guess everyone go through this every time.
I think its time that i should stop looking into myself to find the answer. I have been looking inwards. To see my flaws and how to improve it. Its tough and difficult as hell but taking one step at a time. *WELL, usually for my gaming purposes* And I feel that, by doing it so often, I think i am selling myself short. In games, most of my friends, they keep pointing fingers at other people's fault but not their own. Sometimes, I am tired of this attitude. Its like that Malay saying, "Bah perkata, kuman di sebelah sungai nampak, kuman di sebelah mata tidak nampak". This is LITERALLY what I feel happening in, well gaming, and maybe part of the world. I guess. Like, in gaming, since we are all behind this anonymous platform, we lost touch of our human self. We flame/troll people. And that sort of, become a norm for those who uses the internet/dwell upon it/live for it/depends on it/gamers. I am tired of this attitude. Everyone starts to be so cold.
I don't know why I am side tracking so much from the main point. Originally I wanted to end this post with some sayings. One is the price we pay. And second is fault of others are so easily seen but fault of self is none existence. Right now, I am thinking, how in the hell does feeling lazy going to class related to this? Well, I side track too much. What can I say, a tired mind wanders.
Actually, I already know the answer to my question. I am just afraid of admitting it. I am afraid of the answer. Ignorant is a bliss they say.
Good Nightz
Friday, August 30, 2013
Happy Independence Day Malaysia
Guess, the title say it all. Hahaha~ Ma homeland~ Missing ya right now. 56th Independence Day since the Brits left Peninsula Malaysia or during that time, Tanah Melayu, to the capable hands Tunku Abdul Rahman~ How far we have come? or some would say, how little we have moved since then? That is a question that I might touch on on a different day~ Why spoil the joyish mood of celebration? Come, just play some patriotic Malaysian song, or some will call it, propaganda song~
Setia *Loyal*, this is one of my favorite patriotic song~ Well beside Keranamu Malaysia, *Because of you Malaysia* Well, I shall leave it at that. May all Malaysians in Malaysia have a nice celebration. On that note, I shall make/buy some Malaysian food~ Till next time. ;)
Quantity for a better Quality
Been a while since i last wrote here. I really didn't know what to write for a while. I want to write soooo many things but... I just couldn't find the word for it. Words just couldn't leave my mind. My fingers just wont type what I have in mind. I had this fear. This phobia of, what if the what I wrote was not the best quality. What if my grammar was wrong. What if this, what if that, etc. This fear of producing the best is stopping me. This perfectionist self of me is holding me back. I am a perfectionist. But I am a damn lazy person to do anything to perfection. This... carefreeness is part of the bane towards my perfectionist but when come to writing, I just couldn't do it. Due to this, I just couldn't write anything here. But tonight, its different. I just feel I need to let this out. Plus I am having this mother fucking headache that hurts like a damn meteor just hit the crust of the earth and it shifted the earth's polarity by 5 degrees and that created a super influx of magnificent magnetic field which screwed up the whole world. *over dramatic right there* I dont understand why I wrote it but heck it
So yeap, that's that. I really don't want to start something and leave it halfway *My new year resolution*. Cause of this stubbornness, I have my blog page up for days, just haven't have idea what to write. Or the guts/balls to do so. But TONIGHT, it hit me. Somewhere on the internet, I read an article saying that, its best to produce Quantity than producing Quality. From that article, it said that a group of researchers tasked this bunch of arts student to make clay pots. One group were asked to focus on quantity, the other was asked to make THE BEST pots of their life. And when the task was done, them researchers found that the them students who were tasked to do the best pots of their life, produced much significantly less and the quality wasn't the best. On the other hand, the one that was tasked to focus on quantity, well, of course they produced more but surprisingly they produced the better quality too. It found out that them students figured out their mistakes on each trial and improve on it. Like that old saying, practice make perfect.
I know of this story and of that saying but, I haven't really put it into good use yet. I play DoTA (Defense of the Ancient) during my free time, *well most of the time* and for the past week, i felt that, my play in the game haven't been good. Like, I know that I can do better but I just cant perform. I have been trying to figure out how do I improve. I watches a lot of games but I just don't pick up from it. Guess I don't have the mindset. I have been playing quite a bit with some of my friends who are better than me. And I just want to improve and to be good. After tonight game's with some of my friends, I felt that... I needed more games. There are a lot of things I can learn and I need to learn. To win, its not easy. A lot of people who don't play the game, they will just say "its just a game".
For me, this game have been something I have been doing for years. I started when I was in Form 1, that was like 10 years ago. And I don't want those 10 years of playing this game go to waste. I want to achieve something. Call it ego or pride. I just want this hobby of mine have some worth. I guess everyone have this thought before. Be it a sport, like football. Be it a skill, like dance. Everyone do something so in depth. To devote so much time into it, everyone want to brag to their friends of what they can do. Just to feel good. For me, I want to be one of the best. To be the best, I must first practice. Keep playing. Not just blindly play. I must figure out what is my mistake, my downfall in each game. From there, I must improve. Like one of my friend said, my vision is too shallow. I am just thinking of the short run. I must start looking at the bigger picture. That's how one improve in life I guess.
That's about the gaming part of me. I must start practicing/doing my studies. Been neglecting it for weeks. Mid terms are just around the corner. Was talking to one of my closest bro about this just now. He have been with me through thick and thin. I cannot slack anymore. This laziness of mine. I must change. I need to start doing quantity. In studies, in gaming, as well in life. If there's something you want to do but you are afraid of doing it cause you won't do a good job, then you must bloody hell do it. And repeat doing it. If you do not fail, how do you stand up again? The irony of life, how do you appreciate success if you haven't fail? I have failed before, and i told myself, where I have been, that period was the shytz. And I really don't want to go back there. I must be better. I guess I have reach one of those mystical plateau in life where I am not moving forward or backward. I am just standing still. I guess this could be the reason that everything I have been doing felt so.. bland. Like one doesn't feel like doing anything. Basically just sit and waste time.
Practice. Keep Practicing. That's what I see my bro been doing and that's what he is telling himself. In his free time, he practice his dance. He have come a long way since the first time he started. I still remember the first time he started, the way he moved felt so bloody awkward. Now, he's just feeling the beat of the music. Through the amount of hard work. The quantity of time devoted into it, now he have the confident to burst out his moves on the streets. That's one story that I can related to right now and which is close to my heart. I bet that, those autobiography of those successful dancers, writers, performers, etc and etc. One of the few things they will say to you on how to improve, is practice. Keep doing it. Quantity for a better quality. A quote from my dancer bro,"Behind every successful move you see, there are a thousand failed attempts."
To those who read this humble blog of mine, I say to you, Just Do It. *not promoting Nike here*. But yeah. If you want to do something but you are afraid of this quality, then do it. Fail, do again, fail better. Like me, I am afraid about the quality of the crap i write but tonight, i just YOLOSWAG it. Maybe in the future when I revisit some of them old post, I'll laugh at this attempt of mine.
Note to my future self, Remember, Keep doing it. Do not fear it. Even if people look down/laugh on your failure/attempts, its not over until you stop doing it. Keep writing. One day, you will do good. ;)
I guess that's enough rant for one post/night. My headache is still killing me~ With that, I bid you all, my imaginary readers, good night~ *ps, i am too lazy to find the link for that article*
So yeap, that's that. I really don't want to start something and leave it halfway *My new year resolution*. Cause of this stubbornness, I have my blog page up for days, just haven't have idea what to write. Or the guts/balls to do so. But TONIGHT, it hit me. Somewhere on the internet, I read an article saying that, its best to produce Quantity than producing Quality. From that article, it said that a group of researchers tasked this bunch of arts student to make clay pots. One group were asked to focus on quantity, the other was asked to make THE BEST pots of their life. And when the task was done, them researchers found that the them students who were tasked to do the best pots of their life, produced much significantly less and the quality wasn't the best. On the other hand, the one that was tasked to focus on quantity, well, of course they produced more but surprisingly they produced the better quality too. It found out that them students figured out their mistakes on each trial and improve on it. Like that old saying, practice make perfect.
I know of this story and of that saying but, I haven't really put it into good use yet. I play DoTA (Defense of the Ancient) during my free time, *well most of the time* and for the past week, i felt that, my play in the game haven't been good. Like, I know that I can do better but I just cant perform. I have been trying to figure out how do I improve. I watches a lot of games but I just don't pick up from it. Guess I don't have the mindset. I have been playing quite a bit with some of my friends who are better than me. And I just want to improve and to be good. After tonight game's with some of my friends, I felt that... I needed more games. There are a lot of things I can learn and I need to learn. To win, its not easy. A lot of people who don't play the game, they will just say "its just a game".
For me, this game have been something I have been doing for years. I started when I was in Form 1, that was like 10 years ago. And I don't want those 10 years of playing this game go to waste. I want to achieve something. Call it ego or pride. I just want this hobby of mine have some worth. I guess everyone have this thought before. Be it a sport, like football. Be it a skill, like dance. Everyone do something so in depth. To devote so much time into it, everyone want to brag to their friends of what they can do. Just to feel good. For me, I want to be one of the best. To be the best, I must first practice. Keep playing. Not just blindly play. I must figure out what is my mistake, my downfall in each game. From there, I must improve. Like one of my friend said, my vision is too shallow. I am just thinking of the short run. I must start looking at the bigger picture. That's how one improve in life I guess.
That's about the gaming part of me. I must start practicing/doing my studies. Been neglecting it for weeks. Mid terms are just around the corner. Was talking to one of my closest bro about this just now. He have been with me through thick and thin. I cannot slack anymore. This laziness of mine. I must change. I need to start doing quantity. In studies, in gaming, as well in life. If there's something you want to do but you are afraid of doing it cause you won't do a good job, then you must bloody hell do it. And repeat doing it. If you do not fail, how do you stand up again? The irony of life, how do you appreciate success if you haven't fail? I have failed before, and i told myself, where I have been, that period was the shytz. And I really don't want to go back there. I must be better. I guess I have reach one of those mystical plateau in life where I am not moving forward or backward. I am just standing still. I guess this could be the reason that everything I have been doing felt so.. bland. Like one doesn't feel like doing anything. Basically just sit and waste time.
Practice. Keep Practicing. That's what I see my bro been doing and that's what he is telling himself. In his free time, he practice his dance. He have come a long way since the first time he started. I still remember the first time he started, the way he moved felt so bloody awkward. Now, he's just feeling the beat of the music. Through the amount of hard work. The quantity of time devoted into it, now he have the confident to burst out his moves on the streets. That's one story that I can related to right now and which is close to my heart. I bet that, those autobiography of those successful dancers, writers, performers, etc and etc. One of the few things they will say to you on how to improve, is practice. Keep doing it. Quantity for a better quality. A quote from my dancer bro,"Behind every successful move you see, there are a thousand failed attempts."
To those who read this humble blog of mine, I say to you, Just Do It. *not promoting Nike here*. But yeah. If you want to do something but you are afraid of this quality, then do it. Fail, do again, fail better. Like me, I am afraid about the quality of the crap i write but tonight, i just YOLOSWAG it. Maybe in the future when I revisit some of them old post, I'll laugh at this attempt of mine.
Note to my future self, Remember, Keep doing it. Do not fear it. Even if people look down/laugh on your failure/attempts, its not over until you stop doing it. Keep writing. One day, you will do good. ;)
I guess that's enough rant for one post/night. My headache is still killing me~ With that, I bid you all, my imaginary readers, good night~ *ps, i am too lazy to find the link for that article*
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
The first. The beginning
Ah, The first post on this blog.
I have been wanting to start a blog for ages but... never seem to have the inspiration nor the motivation, or in layman term, the push to do it. And, on this very night, everything seem just right for me to start one~
Guess on the first post everyone will give them reasons why they start this blogging thingy. Well for me, I just want a place to say my mind. Initially was twitter. But then i realized that my mind need more than 140 characters to get its point across. The other reason was... well, i always have an itch to write something for a very long time. I always have stories playing in my mind, but I never once sat down and jot them down. Well, guess this will the be first time. Not only that, i felt that writing this down maybe, just maybe, might help whoever read this blog with their life or problems their are facing~
Not only that, those stories that I'll jot/write down, its a way of how I run away from reality, just a bit~
Well, i guess enough of me chattering away here~ That's the end of this word-logging?
Before I leave, a song to start this blog up~
I have been wanting to start a blog for ages but... never seem to have the inspiration nor the motivation, or in layman term, the push to do it. And, on this very night, everything seem just right for me to start one~
Guess on the first post everyone will give them reasons why they start this blogging thingy. Well for me, I just want a place to say my mind. Initially was twitter. But then i realized that my mind need more than 140 characters to get its point across. The other reason was... well, i always have an itch to write something for a very long time. I always have stories playing in my mind, but I never once sat down and jot them down. Well, guess this will the be first time. Not only that, i felt that writing this down maybe, just maybe, might help whoever read this blog with their life or problems their are facing~
Not only that, those stories that I'll jot/write down, its a way of how I run away from reality, just a bit~
Well, i guess enough of me chattering away here~ That's the end of this word-logging?
Before I leave, a song to start this blog up~
Good night~
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