Quantity for a better Quality

Been a while since i last wrote here. I really didn't know what to write for a while. I want to write soooo many things but... I just couldn't find the word for it. Words just couldn't leave my mind. My fingers just wont type what I have in mind. I had this fear. This phobia of, what if the what I wrote was not the best quality. What if my grammar was wrong. What if this, what if that, etc. This fear of producing the best is stopping me. This perfectionist self of me is holding me back. I am a perfectionist. But I am a damn lazy person to do anything to perfection. This... carefreeness is part of the bane towards my perfectionist but when come to writing, I just couldn't do it. Due to this, I just couldn't write anything here. But tonight, its different. I just feel I need to let this out. Plus I am having this mother fucking headache that hurts like a damn meteor just hit the crust of the earth and it shifted the earth's polarity by 5 degrees and that created a super influx of magnificent magnetic field which screwed up the whole world. *over dramatic right there* I dont understand why I wrote it but heck it

So yeap, that's that. I really don't want to start something and leave it halfway *My new year resolution*. Cause of this stubbornness, I have my blog page up for days, just haven't have idea what to write. Or the guts/balls to do so. But TONIGHT, it hit me. Somewhere on the internet, I read an article saying that, its best to produce Quantity than producing Quality. From that article, it said that a group of researchers tasked this bunch of arts student to make clay pots. One group were asked to focus on quantity, the other was asked to make THE BEST pots of their life. And when the task was done, them researchers found that the them students who were tasked to do the best pots of their life, produced much significantly less and the quality wasn't the best. On the other hand, the one that was tasked to focus on quantity, well, of course they produced more but surprisingly they produced the better quality too. It found out that them students figured out their mistakes on each trial and improve on it. Like that old saying, practice make perfect.

I know of this story and of that saying but, I haven't really put it into good use yet. I play DoTA (Defense of the Ancient) during my free time, *well most of the time* and for the past week, i felt that, my play in the game haven't been good. Like, I know that I can do better but I just cant perform. I have been trying to figure out how do I improve. I watches a lot of games but I just don't pick up from it. Guess I don't have the mindset. I have been playing quite a bit with some of my friends who are better than me. And I just want to improve and to be good. After tonight game's with some of my friends, I felt that... I needed more games. There are a lot of things I can learn and I need to learn. To win, its not easy. A lot of people who don't play the game, they will just say "its just a game".

For me, this game have been something I have been doing for years. I started when I was in Form 1, that was like 10 years ago. And I don't want those 10 years of playing this game go to waste. I want to achieve something. Call it ego or pride. I just want this hobby of mine have some worth. I guess everyone have this thought before. Be it a sport, like football. Be it a skill, like dance. Everyone do something so in depth. To devote so much time into it, everyone want to brag to their friends of what they can do. Just to feel good. For me, I want to be one of the best. To be the best, I must first practice. Keep playing. Not just blindly play. I must figure out what is my mistake, my downfall in each game. From there, I must improve. Like one of my friend said, my vision is too shallow. I am just thinking of the short run. I must start looking at the bigger picture. That's how one improve in life I guess.

That's about the gaming part of me. I must start practicing/doing my studies. Been neglecting it for weeks. Mid terms are just around the corner. Was talking to one of my closest bro about this just now. He have been with me through thick and thin. I cannot slack anymore. This laziness of mine. I must change. I need to start doing quantity. In studies, in gaming, as well in life. If there's something you want to do but you are afraid of doing it cause you won't do a good job, then you must bloody hell do it. And repeat doing it. If you do not fail, how do you stand up again? The irony of life, how do you appreciate success if you haven't fail? I have failed before, and i told myself, where I have been, that period was the shytz. And I really don't want to go back there. I must be better. I guess I have reach one of those mystical plateau in life where I am not moving forward or backward. I am just standing still. I guess this could be the reason that everything I have been doing felt so.. bland. Like one doesn't feel like doing anything. Basically just sit and waste time.

Practice. Keep Practicing. That's what I see my bro been doing and that's what he is telling himself. In his free time, he practice his dance. He have come a long way since the first time he started. I still remember the first time he started, the way he moved felt so bloody awkward. Now, he's just feeling the beat of the music. Through the amount of hard work. The quantity of time devoted into it, now he have the confident to burst out his moves on the streets. That's one story that I can related to right now and which is close to my heart. I bet that, those autobiography of those successful dancers, writers, performers, etc and etc. One of the few things they will say to you on how to improve, is practice. Keep doing it. Quantity for a better quality. A quote from my dancer bro,"Behind every successful move you see, there are a thousand failed attempts."

To those who read this humble blog of mine, I say to you, Just Do It. *not promoting Nike here*. But yeah. If you want to do something but you are afraid of this quality, then do it. Fail, do again, fail better. Like me, I am afraid about the quality of the crap i write but tonight, i just YOLOSWAG it. Maybe in the future when I revisit some of them old post, I'll laugh at this attempt of mine.

Note to my future self, Remember, Keep doing it. Do not fear it. Even if people look down/laugh on your failure/attempts, its not over until you stop doing it. Keep writing. One day, you will do good. ;)

I guess that's enough rant for one post/night. My headache is still killing me~ With that, I bid you all, my imaginary readers, good night~ *ps, i am too lazy to find the link for that article*